Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
