don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
