Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
