I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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