oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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