I must be too annoying 4 u.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
