her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
