i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
