P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We are two peas in an std pod
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
