My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
