Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
