You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
