whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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