Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
