So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was like eating out sand paper
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
