How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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