Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
