i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
