if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
