Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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