he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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