You can't motorboat a personality
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
