My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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