i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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