I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
