Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize