Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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