he thought i was a dude.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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