haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
