Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize