I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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