im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
