you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
