Is it because I queefed?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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