I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
