if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
