it was like his penis was on wheels.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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