Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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