dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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