True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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