I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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