Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
