If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
