The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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