Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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