Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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