I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
