I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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