She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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