Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
