Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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