the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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