He uses pillows to masturbate.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
