News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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