He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
