So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
