I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
