u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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