...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize