so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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