Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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