I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
