Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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