I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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