Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
