The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
