i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
