i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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