can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
