I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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