Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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