I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
