Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
