none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
