Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
