I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
