mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
