My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
